


ii. collars

by aro_aizawa



Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Captivity, Dissociation, Gen, Imprisonment, Panic Attack, Pre-Canon, Prompt: Collars, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Whump, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26776609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aro_aizawa/pseuds/aro_aizawa
Summary: 2.“pick who dies”|collars|kidnappedA look into Shiro's year of captivity. One blow to the head, wouldn'treallyerase that many memories and only appearing at convenient times. So what other reasons could it be?[prompt list]
Series: Whumptober 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1944850
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	ii. collars

**Author's Note:**

> yo so this is like,, the first voltron fic i've ever completed bc i have like 93 v v long one shots i've never finished so i'm actually rlly proud of that fact. pls enjoy this, and let me know if i've messed something up. also, if any of this fic is contradicted by points in canon, then just forget abt canon bc i only enjoy/like the first idk two (three was okay) seasons so i consider literally everything past season three as fake lol. and if this fic is nonsensical...well i'm sorry, i started this fic bc its my headcanon that shiro dissociates due to his trauma but i kind of forgot that that headcanon came from me projecting because i fucking dissociate. so hahahaha. but i wanted to get through this soooooo yeah ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

At first, Shiro thought there was no sheer way that he could ever get used to how vastly different his life was now, living as a prisoner for an empire that encompassed most of the known universe for over ten thousand years, compared to how it was living back on earth. 

And, well, he was half right. 

There were little things that he got used to, things like living in dimly lit environments, the fact that he could never experience pure silence anymore, and the routine of his day. There was also the big things that he got used to...but “got used to” wasn’t the right way to put it. More like, he found ways to cope with them. 

The fact that his best friend and commanding officer were likely held in slave camps across the universe and may not even be together? He dealt with it by pretending they were safe. Didn’t allow himself to consider any other alternative. 

The idea that he may never get to go home and see the cherry blossom trees just one more time? Well, he had already kind of accepted that beforehand. He’d lived in the USA for fifteen years, and even if things went perfectly well with the Kerberos mission, it just meant that the next mission would be even more ambitious, and it was doubtful that he wouldn’t be on that one. He dreamed of them instead, reran countless memories of his home country in the moments of stillness in his cell. 

The fact that he had to kill just to make it to the next day? 

That one was a little bit harder. But the best he could really summarise was that Shiro stayed in the cell, Shiro was the one with the collar strapped tight around his neck, but the moment it came off and he was unleashed into the area? That was when he became solely the Champion. He blocked out nearly all memory of the fights, tried his best not to be present during them. 

He detached himself from the events, because whose to say it was actually real? All the lives he was ending? For all he knew, his suit had depressurised back on Kerberos and this was just some sick afterlife where nothing was real. Because, really. Aliens? In their solar system? 

In that regards, the collar helped. It kept him tethered to his body. If he could feel the weight of it around his neck — strapped just tight enough he could feel it when he swallowed — then Shiro was present. His mind never wandered. Even though the collar was so goddamn scratchy and unpleasant, so infuriating that he wanted the feeling _gone_ but at the same time if it wasn’t there then Shiro was ending lives. 

It was a catch 22 with no good alternatives. It was all he could do just to sit there and try to focus on _anything_ but the raw itchiness of his neck. 

* * *

One of the number one rules that Shiro had quickly learned being a prisoner in the arena, was that the collars were both functional and non-optional. 

Though his cell was pretty enclosed, making it seem that he had much more privacy than he did, there were rare times that he and the other prisoners were thrown together at once. It was something like a once every two week inspection that they were all in their best fighting form. 

It was an uncomfortable event, he would line up in one long queue with his fellow prisoners and wait for whoever was running the arena that month come down the line to inspect him. They’d prod at his muscles and open his mouth to inspect his teeth, they’d hum disapprovingly at any open wounds, and then move on. 

The only times Shiro had seen someone fail the inspection was a prisoner who was very obviously on death’s door, the wound on their side hadn’t stopped bleeding since their fight earlier in the day. They’d won but only barely. 

“Hm. Dispose of this one.” The officer had judged, barely even spending more than a few seconds looking at how much blood soaked their clothes. 

All in all, it was an annoying occurrence and heavily uncomfortable. But it was also the only time he interacted with other prisoners outside of the arena, so he had to tread a fine line of trying to interact as much as he can while trying not to remember any of them because these would be the same prisoners he’d fight in the arena. 

“I hate these fucking collars,” a prisoner to his right griped through gritted teeth, as they tried to yank at their own. “I’m gonna tear mine off and tie it around the officer when he comes round. There’s no way I’m gonna be slaughtered for their entertainment.” 

“I’ll help you.” Another prisoner to their left spoke up. 

Shiro wondered if it was even a good idea. The prisoners in the room only totalled around thirty or so, but the room held a good number of turrets, around ten Galra and fifteen sentries. He knew that not every prisoner would join in a fight, so unless every single prisoner joined in and they accepted some losses, would they actually succeed in overpowering the officer. 

But, the image they presented was a tempting one indeed. After all, how many times had he imagined watching some of these Galra being thrown into the arena with no weapons and having to fight for their lives instead of prisoners? 

He didn’t have any right to judge them for their actions. After all, the only reason he was constantly trying to survive every time he ended up in the arena, it was because he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of his death. If these two prisoners wanted to throw their life away, then he should admonish them that. 

“If they know that’s what you want, they’ll never grant it.” Shiro couldn’t help but warn under his breath, looking at the closest alien from the corner of his eye. “But good luck to you.”

“Thanks.” The first alien offered. “You want in?” 

Shiro eyed the alien before looking at the officer approaching them. “No, sorry.” 

The alien shrugged. “If you ever change your mind, kill as many of the bastards as you can.”

It didn’t take long for the aliens to jump the officer, though the first alien managed to get their collar off somehow, they didn’t manage to get it around the officer’s neck before the second alien’s collar went off. 

Shiro would have liked to have seen what happened, but at the exact same time that he assumed the second alien’s collar went off, he felt a buzz run through his blood with an intensity he’d never felt, his muscles going taut and his knees threatening to crumple underneath him. 

Out of bleary eyes, he could just about manage to see the second alien also shaking slightly as their body went rigid. If he looked further down the line, he was sure that he’d see the same thing. Ah. So all the collars were linked. That sucked. 

He didn’t see it, but he heard the way the officer screamed, telling them to turn off the collars that the first alien had gotten the collar around him. The sound of scuffles meant that the alien probably got restrained by sentries. 

It was only a few seconds later that the electricity stopped and Shiro felt his knees give out and he hit the floor only just managing to stop his fall completely with his hands. He looked up and saw the furious expression on the soldier’s face as he ripped the collar on him off. 

“Kill them.” The soldier ordered, turning away. 

There were two shots, and the inspection was cut short. Sometimes he still wondered if he did the right thing, staying out of it. It would mean that there was a lot less people dead by his hands. 

* * *

_Blood. It soaked everything, his clothes, his hands, the ground beneath his feet, his mouth where it had managed to get in when he roared. A body lay at his feet, torn apart as if attacked by an animal, flesh rended from bone, sinew and fat spilling._

_Champion felt nothing, his body was numb as his neck was bare and he heard the white noise of cheering in the background. He continued staring until he heard the familiar alert pierce through his awareness._

_The call to return._

_Champion turned his back and felt no remorse for the life he had just ended. Leaving Shiro behind to deal with the blood that soaked them in the shower he was granted due to his performance._

Shiro sprung up from his bed with such force he was upright in a second, his breath heaving and his neck _burning_. He just couldn’t handle it anymore! He needed the collar off, he needed to go back tot he detached feeling. He needed to be away from his body. Everything was so much easier when he couldn’t feel anything. 

He tore at his collar with a ferocity he’d never attempted before, his unkempt nails clawed at his jaw, raking at his flesh but the pain didn’t stop him. He just needed to get the collar off and he’d be okay. 

Blood coated his hands and stuck under his fingernails by the time that the Galra came in to stop him. He could feel drops sliding down his neck, underneath the scratchy collar and easing the itchiness ever so slightly. But the weight was still there. 

“Get it off! Get it off!” He growled to himself. “I need to get it off…” he tried explaining as the soldiers restrained him. An odd looking figure with a weird mask tilted their head at him as he continued to struggle. 

“Replace the collar with a wrist cuff.” The cloaked figure ordered a soldier not currently holding Shiro down, before sweeping out the cell with as if they weren’t even touching the ground. 

Shiro continued to struggle and writhe his hand jolting as he tried to claw once again at his neck, he barely registered anything else but his goal. He needed the collar off. He needed it _off._

He didn’t even register the soldier approaching him, didn’t register the heavy weight on his right arm over than how harder it was to try and pull the arm out fo the soldiers’ grasp. The only thing he registered was how the collar was pulled off him, his awareness disappeared the moment the weight was removed from him. His body going slack. 

* * *

Shiro...he would like to say that Champion stayed in control for a long time. It could have been, there still weren’t any real way to tell. Only that Shiro found himself being brought back to awareness occasionally with no real trigger. The absence faded and he would have to deal with being aware. 

He’d have to remember and try to piece together what was happening around him from the snippets of details he remembered, trying his hardest to sift through his memories without uncovering Champion’s deeds in the arena. 

With the weight from his neck gone, it was...hard to really control when he disconnected. It was like he never fully went back to being completely present. He was still marginally disconnected, because the world wasn’t _real._ What he was seeing and experiencing wasn’t real.

He went with the flow, never really having agency. When he checked out fully, it was a blessing, but in the meantime he knew that if another prisoner asked him to do something he would very likely do it. 

So he didn’t really object all that much when an alien named Ulaz came and freed him, telling him that Voltron was on Earth. It didn’t feel real being sent back to Earth after so long away. As it were, that harsh knock to the head helped. It cleared his mind enough that he could focus on the objective given to him. To find this…’Voltron’. 

When he got free reign of whatever of Keith’s dad’s clothes fit him, he went with the one with a high collar. The one that sat just a little bit too tight around his neck when fully zipped up. He didn’t realise just how clear his thinking could be until he managed to zip the whole thing up. 

He didn’t remember much, his life in captivity a blur of memories he both didn’t want to sift through and being unable to. But he had something he could focus on, he had a weight around his neck keeping him grounded and his surroundings were more familiar than they had ever been. 

The desert wasn’t quite as much a home as Japan was, but it was a close second and he’d longed to stand under the morning sun and see the horizon stretch out as far as the eye could see. So after he changed, he went out and did just that. 

**Author's Note:**

> also!! i'm taking requests for the prompts that i'm doing for whumptober so, feel free to leave requests ([BUT I'M ONLY TAKING THEM VIA MY ASK FUNCTION ON TUMBLR SO KEEP THAT IN MIND](https://anonymouseling.tumblr.com/ask)). take a look at [my prompt list](https://anonymouseling.tumblr.com/post/628087789992427520/im-gonna-be-doing-whumptober-gotta-flex-my) for my current requests, and the fandoms i'm doing for the event. please please please leave feedback!! i'm but a shitty writer w low endurance when it comes to doing stuff consistently mostly bc my adhd is kiiiind of not fully managed lol but yeah. validation works WONDERS, even if it's just a lil <3 every comment brings joy to my soul. thank you!!!


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